I really should be packing. We leave Saturday and so far, I’ve got socks packed. Socks that I most likely won’t be wearing since temperatures are rising above 105 degrees.

So I pull down my journal from my first trip to India with Wells for Life in October 2009. One of the entries says only this:

“Day One – India. What is this place?”

After that, I fell apart. I came undone. A broken mess of “what now” and about a million other questions.

I remember lying in bed that night, unable to sleep and it was 2am. I started to cry in that heaving “I can’t breath” sort of way that only comes sometimes. I started to pray to the God I’d only half acknowledged for the past 10 years. I prayed, “WHAT?! What do you want from me? What can You possibly want me to do here?!”

Then I heard Him. Maybe for the first time, maybe not. I don’t really know. But I know I heard Him, and He said, “Connect. Love them”. That was all. “Connect. Love them”. Love them with His Love.

That first day of well dedications I’d been a little on the sidelines. Frozen, not knowing how to function in these surroundings, and unsure of my role. But now I knew. “Connect. Love them”. The next day we got out of the truck and I took the hand of an old old woman who gripped mine tightly back, and we walked the however many feet it was to the well. She wouldn’t let go, and I didn’t want her to. I was in love.

Everything changed that day. I will never be the same.

I’ve been listening to David Crowder Band today, “The Glory of it All” and feel a wave flood through me at the truth of the lyric. “Oh the glory of it all is He came here, for the rescue of us all, that we may live”. Not just me. For us ALL. For me, for you, and for that beautiful little old lady in the village in India.

Wow.

Overwhelming isn’t it? Let it overwhelm you.

“After all falls apart, He repairs. He repairs. Everything will change. Things will never be the same. We will never be the same”.

Last night my 10 year old daughter prayed over me. I don’t know if you’ve ever experienced this type of blessing, but it goes beyond bedtime prayers, and I wasn’t expecting it. She rolled over and put her face right up to mine, placed her hand on my arm and said, “and dear God, please make the darkness (nightmares) go away, and also I pray she gets educated”.

What?

“Now when they saw the boldness of Peter and John, and perceived that they were uneducated, common men, they were astonished. And they recognized that they had been with Jesus.” Acts 4:13 ESV

If you’ve hung around me or Mimi much, you know how often this verse comes up, and how truly astonished WE are that God would use ordinary (or common), albeit sold out for Christ women to do His will in the world. How this very thing… this socially dividing term, “uneducated”, is one aspect that He uses to point back to Himself. It’s what astonishes others. It says, “this couldn’t possibly have come from you, it has to be Jesus”.

So I’ll say it flat out, in case anyone is ever inclined to give me any credit for what has taken place so far, or may take place in India, or beyond:

If there’s anything good in me, it’s Him. It’s always, always Him. I’m really not an exceptionally impressive person, but He is an extraordinarily great God. I haven’t lived a perfect life, but by His grace, I am still His beloved child.

If there’s anything in me that is prideful, offensive, or that doesn’t reflect the righteousness of our Creator. Well, that’s just me needing to get educated.

“Teach me your ways, O LORD, that I may live according to your truth! Grant me purity of heart, so that I may honor you.” Psalm 86:33

Some of the best revelations come while washing the dishes. My mind was wandering to our upcoming trip to India. Contemplating the logistics. How hot it’s going to be (over 100), what some of the days will look like with medical camps preceding bore well dedications, and others filled with children and games of thumb wars. I thought for a minute “this is not for the weak”.

Wait… That’s exactly who it’s for.

“My grace is sufficient for you. For My power is made perfect in weakness”. 2 Cor 12:9.

I started to imagine what it would be like to do this on my own power and I shuddered. I mean, I actually physically shuddered. These are the thoughts that bring me to my knees. These are the thoughts that have me crying out for Him to save me; fill me with His Spirit’; to lead me; to guide me; to speak for me; to cover me; to protect me; to use me.

I think about Moses. Moses. I really do love Moses. In Exodus 33, Moses himself said “If Your presence does not go with us, do not send us up from here.”

And the Lord said to Moses, “I will do the very thing you have asked, because I am pleased with you and I know you by name.”

Now I’ve just been sitting here for the last 15 minutes looking at those two small paragraphs and all that they hold. For Moses, it was a desperate reliance on God. He knew that by himself, he would fail. For God, a promise, and a personal faithfulness.

One of my favorite lines in all the Bible comes shortly after this exchange between God and Moses, when Moses says, “now show my Your glory!”

Hallelujah!

God is good (all the time!). He knows us by name. If He sends you somewhere, He will go with you. He will accomplish what you cannot on your own. He will never leave you, nor forsake you.